ROYCE




someone gave it to mum and it sat innocently in my fridge.
i waited til today to take a bite out of it.

and oh my.

it was so so good.
mmhmmm.

brightened my evening as i consumed it bit by bit.
ahh chocolates.
(:

7:24 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i am not so strong after all,
but so weak.

superlative of superlatives.

11:13 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i saw how you protected her;
even though she called you names, and misunderstood you.
you risked your life-jumping down from the stage and breaking her landing as she slipped and fell of the edge of the stage.
is it humanly possible?
she landed on you; but safe,
and you hurt your hand and back.
and on another occasion bruised your arm rather badly because of her attempt at trying so hard to win a goal.
you prevented her fall.

amidst all, you stood by and watched.
taking great care to make sure she was safe.
despite the numerous name-callings and misunderstandings of your intentions.
you came to her rescue time and again,
always, without fail.

and with pure intent-never to harm or hurt or violate,
but to protect.
even from yourself.

oh dear God,
does such exist?

and that You love me with an everlasting love.
one that doesn't sleep or slumber.
remind me again,
that You are enough.

snap me out of revelry and fairytale stories.

break my heart from what breaks Yours.
open my eyes to the things unseen,
look at the world in front of me that is so broken and hurt and in need of Your love.
and help me to reach out and love again and again.
to never falter or stop,
because You held that resolve to travel down Calvary's road
despite its sufferings and the ultimate separation. for that agonizing 6 hours.


ahh.
"The Christian life is not easy huh?" godma just said it just now.
I couldn't agree more.

and i'm just wishing for some company at the moment.
)):
let me be content with Yours.

2:35 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

i couldn't control them.
almost.
they threatened to come out of the sinuses and spill upon my face.
the only excuse i could think of at that moment was, "My eyes are tired. I yawned."
thankfully no one noticed.

sudden memories of what happened in the sanctuary almost 3 years ago.
and i ran to the toilet in much shame.

and i controlled most of what i felt during the songs.
how easy it was to let it go.
but i can't.
and i was just thinking i was too tired to even cry.

discouragement; tired.
talked to dad in the car in the morning-
why is it so hard for people to put aside their time and jobs for awhile and just go for missions?
are they really that busy that they can't go for it?
and the many more unspoken matters that lie in my heart and mind.

he told me to stop my murmuring. and to pray and commit the matter to God.
stop depending on my own strength and lean on His.

theory is easy to know.
but difficult to apply.

wretched, i am.

and yet, what comfort You give:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall be comforted."

i cannot uds how u would comfort, even tho my soul is so disgusting. the filth of it.

constant jerking and waking;
not being able to sleep.
tons to do.

help me to cast my eyes upon You.
i really don't care now what you think of me.

i'll trade these ashes in for beauty
and wear forgiveness like a crown
coming to kiss the feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross

that's what i need now.
to the Cross.

10:49 PM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

why do i feel so much frustration and angst right now?

i feel like i don't want to go for it. much less teach anything.
and yet, am i bound by duty and love? or one or the other?

why do i even think such thoughts? and everyday the task to love, gets so much harder.
if only.
no, but You never gave up on me.
how then, can i be with excuse and say i don't have to love?

Love is patient, love is kind. It keeps no records of wrongs.
It is not proud, it is not self-seeking.
It always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres.

mayb for a fresh revelation and touch of Your love.
yet You have already showed me the greatest expression of Your love by dying for me on that Cross.

ON a hill far away,
stood an Old Rugged Cross-
the emblem of suffering and shame.

why then, soul?
do you yearn, struggle and desire for more?
still, be still.
cast your eyes upon that hill,
and look upon the One who has given His all for you.
and showed you the real meaning and expression of Love.

be content.
and know that.

His love is all you'll need.


i went through the drawer of cards and old memories. Some brought smiles and laughter, others grief and perhaps tears and moments of sighing and regret. But amidst everything, looking at all these precious memories, was the precious truth-You were there every minute and second. And You had in mind the perfect plan for me. To make me into someone who would please You, and be found beautiful in Your eyes. Not by the garments of this world, but with what You clothe me in.

and with that, You grant me much hope to face today, and finish the essay that is due tomorrow at 1700 hours with lesser thoughts of contempt and angst.

11:07 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

wow.
time is flying!!!!
realised i said that like so many times this year.

just saw feli's comment on fb about having a surprise dinner with her fiance!
so sweet(:

jeff's getting married end of the yr,
and jacinta too on 2nd Oct.

wow wow wow.

i unabashedly announce:
i want to get married also.

Dr Hong Gu was ranting and repeatedly saying, "GET MARRIED!"
during lecture on monday. it was so funny.
and i was scribbling on bimbo's notes, "I want to get married!"
and whispering to Lay Hao the same words and she laughed at me.
oh the yearning for a hand to hold,
an embrace to laugh and cry into,
a voice to lift and worship and praise the Creator King,
a heart to share all thoughts and burdens,
a lifetime to live and to journey together in service and love the Eternal God.

sighs.
i guess it's a timely reminder to wait,even as this battle ensues even more fiercely.
wait upon the God of my universe.
the God of my life.
the God who died for me, and gave me life anew.
who else would better know whether I was to get married,
and who the other half would be, than Him?

as my oh-so-frail-and-weak-selfish heart yearns and desires,
wrestles,
i shall wait upon You Lord.
if i cannot love You and put You first in everything and give myself to You,
how can i even love someone else, and even give my all for someone else?
or so i try.

and yet the difficulty lies in the seen and the unseen.

what faith it requires,
to know You are here,
when the world around me haunts, mocks, taunts, and whispers lies to my ears.
is religion something that we all make up as humans to try to soothe the aching of a desire that there is a Higher being in control? To attribute praise and worship too, and perhaps even blame?

i will not bend to the ways and thinking of this world.
by Your grace, shall i stand.
and i stand firm upon the promises of Your word.
deeply rooted in my heart because of Your Spirit of Truth, that guides and leads me.

and now, shall i ever more rely on Grace unfailing and so undeserving,
to trust in You more-
You who bore my shame and iniquity,
and lifted me right into the Father's heart,
to find love that embraces every disgusting and wretched part of me.

and to type the assignments that are always at the frontal lobe of my brain.
(haha.)

perhaps i might journey into the Land of Rapid Eye Movements soon.

12:07 AM

my heart burns for you'
you see past all my lies.

shout it out (:

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all the brothers and sisters

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of old.

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credits.

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wonderful people

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